Thursday, May 2, 2013

8.5 weeks out

Height: 5'10". Current Weight: 132.4 lbs. We are 8.5 weeks out from NPC Bikini-San Jose Fit Expo. 6.5 solid weeks into cutting.

Today's Topic: Spirituality and Fitness
Why do I eat clean and lift heavy? I mean, the fitness community throws around those phrases regularly, but what do they mean to me? I think back to 7-8 months ago when I was overweight and unhappy with my body. But I didn't care! I was the girl who said "it takes a lot of calories to maintain these curves" and I was okay with eating tons of ice cream and cookies for breakfast. When I started losing weight, I did it because I wanted to run a half marathon and get back into decent shape. But when I started lifting and really tracking the calories I took in and the types of foods my body NEEDED to be healthy, something happened to me on a spiritual level. I went down into the depths of my self-loathing and found a girl who could break free from insecurity and unhappiness. When I lift it truly is something like a spiritual experience for me--the iron is there on the ground or in the rack. All you have to do is MOVE THE WEIGHT. The iron never talks back. The iron never yells at you or shuts you down. The iron is there egging you on--encouraging you--telling you to DARE to move it. That might sound cheesy to some of you, but that's truly how I feel when I walk into the weight room. I am unafraid. But I'm not always unafraid.

Yesterday, I got back to my roots and had a fantastic yoga practice in the city (SF). It was an hour and 45 minutes long and every centimeter of my body was drenched and dripping in sweat. 200 people, mat to mat. My mat was so wet I was sliding around it like a slip and slide. The walls in the studio were reverberating with all the energy from the various city yogis. So much peacefulness, stillness on the outside, yet so much fire, passion, and vitality seeping from the pores of those all around me. Before the class began, I WAS afraid. It was an advanced level course and I didn't think I was going to make it though I've practiced yoga on and off for several years. I was fighting some inner demons--listening to those voices inside me that recalled the days where I was too out of shape to handle something that intense. Was I good enough? Was I going to embarrass myself? Was I adequate? But with the encouragement of a great and talented soul who wouldn't let me walk out and give up (and was also some pretty great eye candy throughout the class ;) ) I realized I was going to be fine. I made it through the class and really felt my soul bubble up and over the brim of my own consciousness. I realized, again, why I loved yoga for so long. It sorta sets you free.

Feeling: Actually, I feel amazing today. I had one of the best days I've had in a long time yesterday, and it was all about fitness and health. Spirit, mind, and body felt really good when I woke up this morning. Weight is still dropping! So proud of the progress I'm making.

1 comment:

  1. I completely understand this feeling of spirituality through lifting and working out in general. I just stumbled onto your blog through Reddit and I'm really glad I did. I'm just starting to lift and it's less intimating knowing strong women like you are out there moving the weight too. Thanks.