Thursday, May 23, 2013

5.5 weeks out

Height: 5'10". Current Weight: 129-130 lbs. We are 5.5 weeks out from NPC Bikini-San Jose Fit Expo. 9.5 solid weeks into cutting.

Today's Topic: Coping with Hunger Pains.
With only 5.5 weeks left in the cut, I can almost taste the Reese's Peanutbutter Eggs that I bought boxes of during Easter time...they are sitting on the top of my pantry just waiting to be broken open and devoured. I've been thinking a lot lately about WHAT I will eat the minute I'm done with my competition. Should I go teppanyaki? Cake and ice cream? Gorge my face all night on ribs, artichokes, steak, and rice at my restaurant? I'm promising myself a 3 day eating window where one of the days is an all out binge, and the other two taper off and let me treat myself (frozen yogurt / big salads / etc.) Then it's right back at the strict diet (with increased carbs of course) so I can either compete again, or bulk in a long off-season to build some muscle. I think I've been centered on food this past week because the diet is finally kicking in and kicking my butt mentally. I am bored. I'm bored with just chicken and turkey. I'm bored with a couple Quest bars a day. I'm bored trying to force feed myself mounds of vegetables instead of mashed potatoes :) I just finished up my LAST paper of the year and am officially 1 year away from receiving my Masters in English Literature! WOO. I think all that stress of final paper writing and late nights helped hunger pains and cravings kick in. I noticed too that once you let yourself slip a little bit off diet (aka a little too much avocado in my salad) it sets off a-whole-nother battle of cravings. This is why I've made the decision to NOT let myself have a cheat day before my competition. I thought maybe I could handle a couple cheat meals leading into the final phase of my prep, but seeing how I reacted to just MINOR adjustments in the food I COULD eat...I realize that eating anything I shouldn't is just going to set me back physically and mentally.

Hunger pains got me thinking about other kinds of cravings--spiritual ones. I have to make the conscious effort that when I crave something, I will remind myself that the craving for this competition body--the craving for a victorious walk on that stage--is the only kind of craving I should be focused on. I don't want my diet to turn into an obsession with food. I don't want to look at food as a demon, because it's meant to be enjoyed. I just need to keep focused on the idea that (and I've mentioned this before) eating clean, whole foods is an act of self-love, NOT an act of self-punishment. It's really easy to lose sight of that when your grad classes are having cakes, pizza, and beer to celebrate the final sessions...and you're over in the corner eating your cold chicken and cucumbers with hummus. I also WORK at a restaurant where the food is explaining to my guests (the ones that ask of course) what my diet is like makes me feel almost guilty for trying to convince them to try our Oreo Cookie Sandwiches! :( But, you know, a couple guys last night explained how they thought women bodybuilders looked like dudes and were heinous, etc, etc...and I really took a stand for those women because they have worked for years, and years to get that kind of physique. While steroids definitely helped almost every single one of them, I think their dedication to a strict diet and training plan for YEARS is something so much more commendable than eating Oreo Cookie Sandwiches every night. I just need to remind myself that what I enjoy may be different from what other people enjoy, and that indulgences come VERY far and few between.

Feeling: Bloating is going down. Weight is settling again. Hoping to reach competition weight in 3.5 weeks so that the last two we can REALLY focus on coming in DRY.

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