6 weeks out

Height: 5'10". Current Weight: 129-130 lbs...hasn't changed still, but I think we are going to try to stick around this weight and continue to lose bodyfat through cycling/recomp. We are 6 weeks out from NPC Bikini-San Jose Fit Expo. 9 solid weeks into cutting.

Today's Topic: Discouragement, Doubt, and Burying Your Lies.
So this is the last 6 weeks. I've been told time and time again that this is the point in prep where you make it or break it. The competition is so close I can smell the Pro-Tan ;) I ordered my suit from BeachBabe Swimwear, I'm in the process of ordering my NPC card, my hair and makeup is set up and ready to go, and school is almost over (2 essays left) so that gives me a lot more time to focus on my prep. But, and I knew this would happen, I'm starting to doubt myself and go through waves of discouragement with my weight not dropping (this is NORMAL because I'm 9 weeks into a drastic cut) and my hunger pains increasing. This past week I've been thinking about how close this competition and doubting whether or not my physique is up to par with those I'm going to compete with. What if I can't make more progress in the next 6 weeks? What if I just get so overwhelmed by my cravings that I binge? What if I get burnt out or even more discouraged coming into the competition?

Yesterday I had a really great day off full of yoga, beach time, great food and relaxation with someone I care about. It was a day I needed to take the energy I've spent WORRYING about my progress this past week, and refocus that energy into some work internally and spiritually. We were talking about career choices and big picture decisions and the idea of focusing your efforts in one, single path or direction came up. If you don't give 100% of yourself to a certain goal you want to accomplish--you're not going to do it with the fervency and attention it deserves. For me, focusing on my competition doesn't mean giving up my social life or my days of relaxation, but instead devoting my whole heart to the physical journey I alone am on, and not giving into the doubt or discouragement that creeps into my soul from the depths of my old insecurities. We watched this golf movie called Seven Days in Utopia wherein the main character is told to write down and bury the lies he was told his whole life; lies like his golf score being an accurate measurement of his abilities. That scene really struck a cord with me because I love the idea of writing down and burying my insecurities: "Am I good enough?", "Am I important?", "Am I capable?" Of course I am good enough, of course I am important, of course I am capable. I KNOW these things because I've set myself up for success, I'm made the right decisions for my health and well-being, and I treat my body like a temple because I want to live this life as an OUTWARD manifestation of an INWARD transformation. I would encourage any of you reading this to do this same...let your inner peace and love transcend the cold shell it sits in. Love this life and show others that love, and I promise the discouragement and doubt will slip away.

Feeling: Still a little bloated. I'm going to give myself another week so that when I hit that 5 week mark, we can re-evaluate and hone in on the last bits of fat burning. The fat burner is almost gone, so we will see where the weight is at this time next week.