Sunday, May 12, 2013

7 weeks out

Height: 5'10". Current Weight: 129-130 lbs. We are 7 weeks out from NPC Bikini-San Jose Fit Expo. 8 solid weeks into cutting. Sorry I'm late in posting this and sorry for the poor lighting/quality images. I took these four alone because I just didn't have time recently.

Today's Topic: Forgiveness and Release
I'm glad that I've been able to share with you all some of the more personal and internal ways my weight loss and fitness journey have affected me. I'm a firm believer that if you don't work on your spiritual health simultaneously with you physical health, then no progress can truly be made. People email me all the time saying "I eat this many calories and work out this many times a week. I've been trying for months and can't seem to lose any weight! I hate this, I hate my body, what can I do?" My initial reaction to this is normally "Well, something is wrong with the diet. You've got to be underestimating your calories and not really counting them." And while I think that is still true to a large extent, I feel as though weight loss and progress just simply cannot come to someone who is so negative about the journey they are on. Someone posted a comment on a thread on Reddit recently where she said "It's so easy to for me to forget that eating good, healthy food is an act of self-love, not punishment." If you only view dieting and taking care of your body as if it were a temple as PUNISHMENT for the ways you ate and took care of yourself before, you're in for a world of hurt. Stop what you're doing, and forgive yourself. I made so many excuses for myself and have time and time again felt ashamed for how I looked in old pictures, and embarrassed to be standing next to my gorgeous fit friends (NCAA Div. 1 Track Athletes). But this past couple of weeks I've realized that, while I can look at those old pictures for inspiration and remind myself of how far I've come, I should NOT hate the person in those pictures. I should forgive her. I should stop kicking her around claiming she was lazy and stupid. She didn't know better, she didn't care about fitness, she had insecurities from previous relationships and time spent wallowing in pain. But the woman I am now LOVES. I have endured hardship. I have gotten to depths of the personal problems. I am learning to set myself free from negativity and resentment.

How perfect for this moment in my life to attend a Jivamukti-style yoga practice in downtown San Jose. Jivamukti is concerned with the 5 pillars of spiritual yoga including chanting, scripture, devotion, non-violence, and devotion. Our class was centered around inversions and backbends to focus on releasing ourselves from the pain we've experienced in our lives--especially because of those that have wronged us. We dedicated the practice to a particular person--not necessarily CONDONING their actions, but more so letting ourselves be free of the pain that person inflicted upon us. We forgave. We moved on down the road. We bent backwards to invert those feelings and turn them into joy.

Feeling: Small. For real! I hit the 129s which is something I'm still in a state of shock about. Coach is sort of amazed but not yet CONCERNED about how fast weight is dropping with 1900 calories a day still. I think incorporating yoga into my training INSTEAD of cardio this next week will keep the weight stable...I think the combination of surfing, yoga, and cardio really burned tons of calories this past week. A cheat day may be coming up soon! How exciting! I want a BURGER from In N Out!!!

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